Friday, June 8, 2012


  1. We don't play with our penis at the dinner table.
  2. Cover that. I've seen enough of your butt and penis to last a lifetime.
  3. Stop flinging boogers.
  4. What is that on my wall?
  5. I want world peace. [In response to whining]
  6. Do you know how many children would love to have your blessings?
  7. Wash your face with water and soap.
  8. You smell like the outdoors.
  9. Don't just run the water. Get in and wash your body.
  10. Who forgot to flush the toilet?
  11. Did you wipe, flush and wash?
  12. We don't ride vehicles in the house.
  13. Hang up your coat.
  14. Be gentle.  
  15. No roughhousing.
  16. Don't stack a big thing on top of a tower of small things.
  17. Did you hear me? If your ears are broken I can take you to the doctor.
  18. Use your eyes [when you speak directly to someone].
  19. What do you say? [When a please or thank you is required]
  20. Not so loud. I’m right next to you.
  21. Shh. My ears work just fine.
  22. I know the background noise is loud but I can hear you. Please use your indoor voice.
  23. Careful. [An autopilot sentence that I say without thinking]
  24. Careful. You are sharing the sidewalk.
  25. I spent time ironing that.
  26. I just cleaned that.
  27. Why are there socks under my dining table?
  28. I was talking.
  29. Excuse you.
  30. Walk!
  31. What’s in your mouth?
  32. Are those my socks?
  33. It’s MY iPad.
  34. I have my own bag to carry.
  35. It’s not my job to entertain you.
  36. You’re not buying anything today.
  37. Spreading the food around on your plate doesn't fool me.
  38. This is not a treat day.
  39. This is not a restaurant. Eat what’s on your plate.
  40. No dirty hands on my face.
  41. I don’t like to be licked.
  42. Because I’m an adult; we are not equals.

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